That's So Witch House

/// ▲▲▲ \\\ This is the official Witch House. A family of witches named the Weasleys live here and witches who are in trouble will sometimes drop by as it is a fairly safe stronghold. The Weasleys are all red heads due to their ancestors’ tendencies to take showers in lamb’s blood. Over time, the hair took a more “orange” color but as a society we still call the hair “red” so that we may never forget their ritualistic/awesome heritage.  /// ▲▲▲ \\\

/// ▲▲▲ \\\ Although no witch has ever actually seen the triangle godz, many witch artists attempt to create imaginations of what they “feel” the witch godz look like. The lego-figure in the middle is an artistic guess at ▲-MAN, the all powerful ruler and creator of triangles. I have no fucking idea who the people to his left and right are so don’t even ask! Friends of ▲-MAN? Perhaps! /// ▲▲▲ \\\

/// ▲▲▲ \\\ In recent years, companies have been attempting to commercialize the lifestyle of our nation’s underground witches. Businesses such as Golden Triangle Construction, construct witch-lifestyle products and then sell them in high qualities at lamestream stores such as El Target and El Walmart. Owning a triangle used to be an authentic way of showing that you belonged in the witch-club, that you were actually spooky and would sacrifice a baby lamb in a heartbeat. Now every middle school kid and his grandchild is bringing triangles to the local Kindergarten show and tell. Why do middle schoolers have grandchildren these days and why are they hanging around the local kindergarten class? I don’t know, kids these days are CRAZY! Am I right other adults?! /// ▲▲▲ \\\

 /// ▲▲▲ \\\ Witches are all about good fitness. Since the maximum weight brooms can carry is around 120 lbs. (about the weight of 150 sacrificed doves), witches are required to be fit and in some cases even anorexic. The price of boo-ty… On a side note, witches say “boo,” not ghosts, hence the pun. Most witches are still pretty angry about this misconception so if you ever want to make a witch angry say, “Look at me, I’m just like Casper the Friendly Ghost because I’m using the word ‘boo.’” Very clever. Very insult. The only way to make a witch angrier, of course, is to burn him/her at the stake. /// ▲▲▲ \\\

/// ▲▲▲ \\\ Delta Delta Delta is the official Sorority Witch House. All members sport the “sacred tri-line signs” on their clothing and mark the triangles on the outside of their witch houses. Dance parties at Delta Delta Delta are very spooky and almost always involve some form of blood sacrifice of a frat bro. /// ▲▲▲ \\\

/// ▲▲▲ \\\ WITCH OF THE DAY: This guy is making the official “That’s so Witch House” hand signal used by witches everywhere. Submit a photo of yourself making a triangle with your hands/arms/legs/animal intestines and you can become our witch of the day! /// ▲▲▲ \\\

/// ▲▲▲ \\\ Many witches are head-quartered in Alaska, sacrificing many animals and Josh Hartnetts during the period known as thirty nights of night. As a side note, does anyone know if the Josh Hartnett population is now extinct? It used to be thriving but we’re pretty sure witches/Sarah Palin/Japanese soldiers killed them all off. /// ▲▲▲ \\\

/// ▲▲▲ \\\ This is a cautionary sign that witches are about. If you don’t recognize the sign and you see it in the woods, you’re already sacrificed. /// ▲▲▲ \\\