That's So Witch House

/// ▲▲▲ \\\ In recent years, companies have been attempting to commercialize the lifestyle of our nation’s underground witches. Businesses such as Golden Triangle Construction, construct witch-lifestyle products and then sell them in high qualities at lamestream stores such as El Target and El Walmart. Owning a triangle used to be an authentic way of showing that you belonged in the witch-club, that you were actually spooky and would sacrifice a baby lamb in a heartbeat. Now every middle school kid and his grandchild is bringing triangles to the local Kindergarten show and tell. Why do middle schoolers have grandchildren these days and why are they hanging around the local kindergarten class? I don’t know, kids these days are CRAZY! Am I right other adults?! /// ▲▲▲ \\\

 /// ▲▲▲ \\\ Witches are all about good fitness. Since the maximum weight brooms can carry is around 120 lbs. (about the weight of 150 sacrificed doves), witches are required to be fit and in some cases even anorexic. The price of boo-ty… On a side note, witches say “boo,” not ghosts, hence the pun. Most witches are still pretty angry about this misconception so if you ever want to make a witch angry say, “Look at me, I’m just like Casper the Friendly Ghost because I’m using the word ‘boo.’” Very clever. Very insult. The only way to make a witch angrier, of course, is to burn him/her at the stake. /// ▲▲▲ \\\

/// ▲▲▲ \\\ This is a cautionary sign that witches are about. If you don’t recognize the sign and you see it in the woods, you’re already sacrificed. /// ▲▲▲ \\\

/// ▲▲▲ \\\ DID YOU KNOW: When witches aren’t flying on their brooms, they’re probably boating! Witches love the sea-life! /// ▲▲▲ \\\

/// ▲▲▲ \\\ Sometimes small towns will trap a witch’s soul and put that soul into an offensive triangle municipal monument. Something should probably be done about this, but witches are notoriously too chill to actually get most things done. /// ▲▲▲ \\\

/// ▲▲▲ \\\ DID YOU KNOW: Witches are all about NOISE!!! Aperture is a close second. /// ▲▲▲ \\\

/// ▲▲▲ \\\ All sea-life shown in this map were quickly sacrificed after the photo was taken. You may think this not an actual photograph, but that’s just a tell-tale sign that your a muggle. /// ▲▲▲ \\\

/// ▲▲▲ \\\ A wild-triangle out in its natural habitat, the woods. /// ▲▲▲ \\\

/// ▲▲▲ \\\ The witch-signal! Ring this to get the Witchman’s help if city-scum is attempting to thwart your blood sacrifice. /// ▲▲▲ \\\